The Only Thing That Keeps Me Sane
by Smokestarrules
Summary: Bluestar is struggling in the moons before Firestar came to the forest, and there's only one cat who can help her...


**A/N: Hey guys, and I'm back with another oneshot! Not much else to say... Hope you like!**

THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME SANE...

Bluestar breathed in deeply as she lingered on top of the Great Rock for a moment after the other leaders. She glanced around the large clearing, which was filled of cats talking together without hostility for once. She watched them, before standing up, ready to leap down into the clearing; when something caught her eye.

A reddish brown tabby tom was sitting nearly in the back of the other cats, his soft amber gaze locked with her blue ones, concern etched into his eyes. 'Oakheart...' Her mind whispered, quite without her permission.

She stared back, refusing to show any weakness to the tom who'd once been her mate. But her tiredness must've shown, for the worry in his eyes deepened, and he stood up, apparently intent on coming over. That was something Bluestar could not let happen, otherwise he'd destroy the wall of inside her that kept her emotions in.

Thinking quickly, she busied herself by leaping down and going into conversation with Tallstar and Crookedstar. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see with relief Oakheart sit back down, defeated.

LATER THAT NIGHT;

Bluestar found herself back at Fourtrees in the extremely early hours of the morning, staring at the Great Rock, but not truly seeing it. Her ears twitched as she sensed someone coming up behind her, yet she did not move. "I thought you'd be here." Oakheart said, staying out of sight right behind her. "You are hurting again." It wasn't a question, and Bluestar found that even the sound of his voice was breaking down her wall effortlessly.

Slowly, she turned to face him, his big, handsome, stupid face was etched with pain and guilt, but mostly concern for her. They both said nothing for a long while, consenting in a silent staring contest as Bluestar fought harder and harder, but as Oakheart took a step closer and laid his tail on her shoulder, she admitted defeat.

Shoulders shaking, she cannoned into Oakheart's warm chest, burying her muzzle into it as he gently licked the top of her head. "You're gonna kill yourself if you keep this up..." He muttered, seemingly afraid that if he spoke he'd break the moment. Bluestar knew what he said was true, but she couldn't care less. It was her fault that Snowfur had died, her fault... All of it.. Everything...

The two stayed there until the slightest hint of dawn showed, the sky starting to turn orange. Breathing in deeply, Bluestar pulled away from Oakheart, and stared at him gratefully. "Thank you... I..." She couldn't get the words out, but she could see that he knew what she meant by his gentle smile. "Me too." He said affectionately, before turning to pad back to his territory, and she went back to her own.

They never met again after that day, in fact, they never spoke again. When Tigerclaw reported that he'd killed Oakheart, Bluestar had barely reigned in her grief... Thankfully, the clan just thought she was grieving Redtail, which she was, but not as much... The insanity was settling in again, and this time, Oakheart wasn't there to stop it...

MUCH LATER;

Bluestar opened her eyes and sat up, noticing instantly that she was in Starclan. 'Fireheart will make a great leader.' She told herself, hoping desperately that she'd made the right choice. She glanced around, and her eyes widened as she saw a reddish tabby pelt and a much smaller black-and-white patched one in front of her. "M-Mosskit?" She stuttered, staring helplessly at her smallest kit. The small kit nodded. And that must mean that the tom must be...

Bluestar stood in shock for a moment, before Oakheart padded over to her, his infuriating smirk on his muzzle. "Miss me?" He asked cheekily, clearly expecting her to make a comment about how she had no emotion, but Bluestar found no reason to do that in Starclan. "You have no idea..." She smiled gently and touched noses with him, amused at his shocked, but pleased expression.

She bent down and nuzzled Mosskit, as the small cat purred happily. Bluestar was in her real home, where she belonged, with Oakheart and her kits...

 **A/N: There you have it, review, and hope you liked it!**


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